The voices in my head

The different versions of us. 

Every morning when I wake up, I wake up with a million thoughts. It really feels like there is this mode that my brain switches to, that is trying to prepare me the best way possible for the day ahead. The thing is, my astral traveling is also not for the weak, so I actually need a minute. But my brain is already gone, the millisecond I open my eyes. Let's get shit done. But because of this mode I am missing all kinds of signals. Signals my body and spirit are giving out. I need some time to reconnect my spirit and body. I need some time to come back to earth. Anyway my brain has no time for that kind of tomfoolery. They order my body to get up and get going. 

I have tried to use many tricks to slow my mind down and to convince them that running will get us nowhere fast. It's really only when my spirit or body completely take over that the mind will listen. For example my mind will be running the show the whole day, but my body did not have the capacity to run, so then at some random point my body will just shut down and will be in a catatonic state for a few hours until they recharge enough to function again. 

My spirit will react really differently, she is just disconnected. My creativity, sexuality, etc is just a sleep. There is a deep joy that my spirit is connected to in this life, it’s this sensation of being a part of it and having deep appreciation for all creation. That sensation is gone, because spirit has left the chat. 

You see, this mind, they have a lot of influence. I spend a lot of time of my life researching and studying the mind. I have even made my job out of being able to translate and guide people in the maze of the mind. Which is ironic.

So, I wake up out of deep astral travel and my mind is immediately on speed. I am already tired again. Now before you jump onto the question if I take my adhd medication, you know by now that is not exactly my way. 

Because I am 100 percent convinced that every aspect of my being, either body mind spirit has lessons for me to learn. I do not take chemical balancing medication, I do take natural supplements tho. If I didn't I would not only wake up on speed but also would be unable to fall asleep, so then I would have an actual problem. I am taking what is happening to my body, mind, spirit all as a portal for expansion to awakening. 

Dont come for me gen z with your offended reasoning, You do you, this is just what I do. Let's move on. 

Waking up like this and choosing to move like that, made me stop drop and roll. I examined my motives. Why am I doing this?

Now I know that there is a sweet spot to land. It's the place where my spirit is guiding, my mind is adding ideas and my body follows. This place is when I feel most calm and happy. 

This is the place where I am the most able to feel true presence. Of the moment. This place feels like this abundant space of creating, like a flow state. Have you ever been in a flow state? Or did you ever see the Pixar movie Soul. Babe go watch. 

What I have learned is that those places are places I can go to but I need to; one,  know the way and two keep the pathway open by practicing being in those places more and more. 

Now waking up like that is not exactly the flowstate but I do know how to get back there. 

And let us be honest, at this point in time it is not such a big mystery of why one would feel a bit off, is it? Every day i am asking, is it autism/adhd? Is it peri menopause? Is it the collapse of the system? Is it climate change? Is it the collective pain and grief? Or is it the planets having some kind of bdsm party up there! It's probably some kind of spicy cocktail of all these things, but how does that affect me waking up like that and then doing what??

There is a lot of conflicting research out there about the sequence of events. 

Some say all is psychosomatic, others are more focussed on the epi genetics and others are just complete idiots and say everything happens for a reason. 

I've read research from the neuroscientific approach stating that every physical impulse is a reaction to the receptors in the mind. Meaning that everything I am feeling is because I had some thought about something. Same field that calls intuition pseudo science. We all know the example of psychosomatic pain about Billy right? So Billy is bullied at school and then develops this tummy ache. Is Billy really sick or not? 

Another psychological research was speaking about the way we are thinking is because of our genetic/ biological imprints and are being fed by the nature/nurture of the environment we grow up in. Meaning everyone can be a serial killer, but only the lucky few have all the right circumstances to really chase that vision. 

Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that I have spent my life figuring out how to understand myself and how to evolve. I still have much to learn and unlearn but what I do know and am certain of is that I keep changing. And when I surrender to that I feel better. And in order for me to do so I have to understand why I am not surrendering. Let me give you an example. 

Option 1. 

1. I wake up, eyes blast open and a million thoughts are racing and telling me what to do. Get up, answer messages, pay parking tickets, eat something, make money, learn a new language today, you are too late, make money, something is wrong. Go to the store to  get new paint.  I take a deep breath and jump into the day. I make a to do list, I organise my thoughts, I make a schedule, I get shit done. Then at the end of the day I do nothing. I have no energy and I feel low. 

Option 2. 

I wake up, eyes blast open and a million thoughts are racing and telling me what to do. I get up and stretch my body as I listen to the thoughts without reacting. After I stretch my body I follow a guided meditation by tara brach and I practice being present. The thoughts are still there but they are in the background. I take a deep breath and start the day. I now know better what I really want to do so I can spread out my energy way more balanced over the day so at the end of the day I do nothing but this time with a calm body and mind. 

I know we all say yes, give me option two. Like the result of it at least, I know we don't all enjoy the soothing voices and sounds of guided meditation, but the result! We would choose that.  So we can have that, but we have to do things to get it. 

If you choose option two you have to do a bunch of stuff. You have to understand why you are NOT surrendering. And practice the state you can reach to surrender. 

Look at it like an actual road. The road to surrender if you will. 

And that road needs attention. It needs foundation and security, you need to make it a safe road and then you practice taking that road by taking it. Simple. And then the more you take it the more experience you have. And the more experience you  have the more proof you have that this road has many benefits for you. 

This in super short is the rewriting process by the way, but I will come back to that. 

We have to come to a place where all the reasons why you feel a certain way can exist without judgement or reaction. And that my friends, is easier said than done, BUT possible. 

First we get the awareness around how we feel and how we react to it. 

Then we explore our reactions and the motivations that drive them. 

Then we practice by trying out different reactions. 

I feel the key here is to do all of it with the least amount of judgement or guilt. 

So not only do we need to create understanding around our reactions but treat ourselves gentle and kind and give patience. Maybe that's the hardest part of all of it for many of us. 

Since we are dealing with a lot of unlearning out of our conditioning and living in this capitalistic world. But you  know joy and rest are a big part of this practice right? 

We did a class a while ago about the identity construction, where we dove deeper into the voices in our mind. We picked the most dominant one and we personified it. We gave it a name and a form. And we started a dialogue with it. What is this voice? And to which degree am I listening to it? And to what degree is this voice in charge?

Side quest. 

Do you know the artist KRS one, you should, he had this exercise that my cousin reminded me off. It went something like this: 

On the count of three you are going to say the word ROCKSTAR in your  mind. You have to really yell it out. But you can only do it inside of your mind. Don't move your mouth. 

1…….2…….3………. ROCKSTAR.

Now answer the question, who was that voice? Was it you? 

Who is in control here? And how can you read the signs? How can you decide and which part of you is deciding? The deeper questions about who the voices in our mind are and where they come from is a nice project that has  many answers. But if you, like me, want to practice being kind and gentle and patient with yourselves, it would be great to start your day in presence. To practice listening to the signals of your body, to take breaks during the day to check where you are. To understand that you are not one thing. To deepen your relationship to spirit, what your spirit is longing for. Running will get you nowhere fast. Slow down and take a deep breath. You are endless and limitless, magical and complex. And you choose to be alive in a very interesting time in our world. So maybe also not forget that. We are many different things all at once. The cooperation between the mind, the body and the spirit is a holy trinity that I find endlessly exciting. I am not, never, one thing. Enjoy.

Hope this helps. 

Love Navaya